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So many new men…

Some of you who follow my Twitter stream might know that I was in Nashville for Valentine’s Day weekend. Jane won a package to a hotel somehow, her man was unavailable, so I went with her. It was a nice break away from life, plus I had President’s Day off from work, so I even had an extra day available.

On the way back, we volunteered our tickets twice as the airlines were so overbooked due to the random snow storms in the South and East. We ended up each receiving $600 in free airfare vouchers, score. Those will come in handy, for sure. On top of it, we were put in 1st class on the final flight back to Chicago, though we were not able to sit next to one another. Which was fine with us, as we were crossing fingers for hot, first class men as our seat partners.

Well, I scored (sadly, Jane did not). The man sitting next to me was a bit older than me, good looking, nice teeth, no ring. I instantly started little chit chat conversation, things like where are you from, what do you do, etc. It turns out he does not live in Chicago full time, he actually lives part time in the UK, though he comes to Chicago about once a month. We chatted the whole plane ride, he gave me his card, I wrote him an email a few days later and now we chat almost daily via GChat. Oh and the plane guy… is from the UK originally but his accent is faint.

So, he is in town this week. I am meeting him tonight at his hotel for drinks, then, who knows? We also have plans tomorrow night for dinner and again… we’ll see what happens there. In truth, some of our Gchats & BBM conversations have become somewhat adult oriented and I have a feeling that as long as everything is smooth, I’ll end up staying at a hotel downtown the next few nights.

As for the other man I’ve met recently (two weekends ago, I think?)… The other man I met is also a Brit, weird. Jane & I met him at the gym, he lives in London full time, comes to Chicago for work about every 6-8 weeks. I have not been talking to him as much, but he comes into town the end of March, so we’ll see if that goes anywhere. I have a feeling he is loaded, just a hunch.

What is funny about meeting the two Brits is… about 3 weeks ago I posted on Twitter that I wanted to have sex with a man with a sexy accent. Just another weird example of sometimes getting what you ask.

Also, remember Jayson? He is coming to down next Wednesday and Thursday… And I need to tell the story of Big Penis guy from last week. This new job is kind of taking up a lot of my time, but I promise to start posting some of the last few weeks ASAP.

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I am, of course, behind on writing the blog. I promise to play catch up a bit but wanted to do a quick post, as something weird is happening tonight.

I know I have posted a million times how this big city we call home, is really a small city of social circles.

So, I am kind of dating Daniel now. I know I have neglected to update the blog, but we have been hanging out a few nights a week. He is really good to me and I am pretty OK with it for now. I mentioned in the past how Daniel is friends with “D.” They met after D and I dated, or whatever you wanted to call it, so Daniel does not really know that we dated, though Daniel does know that D and I are friends.

Well, tonight, a few of Daniel’s friends are going to see this band, I did not even think to ask which friends. The D wrote me an email asking if I am cool with him showing up tonight, too, with his girlfriend. Obviously Daniel invited him. I replied it might be a little weird, but it is bound to happen sooner or later and tonight might be a good night for it, as we will all be distracted by the show.

D did say that he thought it was best never to mention to Daniel that we have any sort of romantic past. I agreed and kind of breathed a sigh of relief. It is still probably going to be a bit awkward but I will just drink some beer and hope everyone else does, too.

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Inappropriate coworker?

I went to an event for a client tonight. I was working so I did not drink, though I probably could have if I had wanted. I think after last night I do not need to be drinking for awhile, plus I am trying to get healthy.

A weird thing was said to me though. Even though I am not working full time at my new job quite yet (next month), I am helping with events. In additions, I have worked with this company as a client, so I pretty much know most people with whom I will be working. So, one of the guys who is very married (and has a kid on the way) said to me, “If I were single, I’d be chasing after you.”

OK, this is not my friend saying this to me (which would still be creepy), this is a co-worker. He is technically a contracted co-worker, but nonetheless it is totally inappropriate. I felt so uncomfortable after he said this and I pretty much ignored it.

I did meet a new guy that was attending the event. He gave me his card and said he hoped he could take me out sometime. He was cute but nothing special, plus I think I am going to see where this thing with Daniel might be going.

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This post isn’t a good idea. I’ve been drinking, quite a bit. I probably won’t proofread this and who knows what I will not really mean to say. But, it is real.

I haven’t been posting lately, mostly because I have not even been home. It seems like my life is just moving so fast and I have had very little time to myself. I need my alone time, hell I thrive on my alone time. I should try to make more for myself. Yeah, I should do that.

Tonight I was out with friends. All new friends, good friends… by new friends I mean people I have met since Patrick and I split. Yes, my ex’s name is Patrick, I do not think I’ve ever wrote that before. I feel I try to dehumanize him by calling him the ex. Somehow that makes me feel better.

We were sitting and talking and my friend Charles (who is very gay) started talking about his new boyfriend. Every adjective he used to describe his boyfriend was exactly how I felt about Patrick from the moment I met him. It triggered something in me.

I miss him so much. I’ve done everything I can to put him out of my mind. I have new friends, I’m dating someone new (Daniel), I moved, I live in a new neighborhood, I live with new people, I stopped answering emails from his mom asking me to meet her for lunch, I stopped talking to him (in August!) But what the fuck?

Thoughts of him invade my mind on a daily basis. He is in my dreams maybe 2-3 nights a week? I never speak about him to my friends, I never let anyone know that I am so fucking heartbroken. My friends have absolutely no clue, I mean none. I just made it seem to disappear, by appearance only.

I worry about this a lot, and I feel… well, insane. I feel like it’s been so long and not only should I be over it, I should be fully moved on. I sometimes feel weak because I cannot get over this. Then in the same moment I get this stupid idea that maybe I am not over him because we should be together, or some stupid bullshit. If that were true, he’d call, he’d write, he’d email. Something.

This has never happened to me before, so I am not sure how to deal with it. And the truth is, I know he will not contact me. Between calls and emails, he contacted me six times and I ignored every single one of them. I couldn’t deal with it at the time, I was too sad from life events (death in my family) and couldn’t handle him on top of it.

I’ve thought about emailing him, or calling him, just to say hi. But the truth is I am a fucking pussy that is too afraid of getting rejected by him again.

My friend told me the first hurt was the easiest. I did not get it at first, but I now understand that more than I should.

Sorry this is all over the place. It’s random drunken thoughts. I’ll be fine tomorrow, upon waking up. Although, I am sometimes still in disbelief that he is not laying next to me when I wake up.

Oh is this weird. After we broke up and I moved to my new place, I could not sleep in the bed we used to share? For two months I slept on the couch because I hated laying in my bed without him. I do not really remember what got me to sleep in my own bed, but I think it was because my friend crashed on my couch after a binge night out.

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The out of towner…

Saturday night I met up with Janey and one of her old work friends (Julie) that moved, but happened to be in town. We put on dresses, got a bit glammed up and decided to head to this wine bar, that was new to us, as we had not been there before. We left about 10pm and one of Jane’s friends was planning to meet us there later.

OK, rarely do I say where I am at, or what bars I frequent. I mostly do this because I go to the same ten or so spots in my neighborhood over and over again. In addition, I do not want my friends, or more importantly my co-workers, to catch on. Though, I figure every now and then it’s OK for me to say where I am/have been, especially if it is a place where we (Jane and I) are not regulars and it was just us out, not our other friends, too (i.e. if any of my “real” friends happen to read this, they will not catch on.) Oh, and Janey knows about my blog now, my drunk ass could not keep it a secret. That’s OK, she is sworn to secrecy.

So, having said that, we were at Rootstock Wine & Beer Bar. It was pretty busy but two guys were leaving the bar. There was also an open seat on the left of this man that was also sitting at the bar. I was immediately excited because he was very good looking, and dark – my favorite. I asked him if he would mind moving down so the three of us could sit together, of course who says no to that?

He was alone and I sensed he was not from here. I was correct. It turns out his name is Shaun and he comes here quite a bit for work, as his company is based here. He was staying at his company’s corporate housing which was somewhere up by O’Hare, so I have no clue why he was in Humbolt Park. We probably talked about it when he was drinking, but I don’t recall.

I ended up kind of talking to him quite a bit because Janey and her friend had chatted up some other random dudes. He was pretty funny because within the first ten minutes he made it clear he was divorced and he dates white women. I replied with, um, of course you do.

Shaun was super good looking though. He’s about 6’1 or 6’2, light skin, nice build, nice smile, and just had a very cute face. No, hot, he was hot. I could tell he was a bit shy because I was kind of carrying the conversation more than he was, but the more he had to drink the more he was coming out of his shell.

We were talking for about an hour, and then it got to the point where he bought a bottle of wine, asked for an extra glass for me. Janey & Julie’s two guys left and they joined our conversation, in which the main topic was at what point is it too early to introduce anal sex into a relationship. Wow, these girls do not hold back. Julie also was tipsy and started talking about how hot it looks when chocolate skin held against milky white skin. Yeah, I was a bit embarrassed.

At some point he was playing with my hair? That’s when I knew he was going to come out with us for the rest of the evening.

After staying at Rootstock for about two hours, Jane’s friends finally showed up. They had one drink then we all moved on to the Clipper, another place I had never been, and had a few more drinks. Of course I convinced Shaun to come with us for the rest of the evening. He was very happy to accompany me, especially since Julie told him I was a wild woman in bed. Yeah, so embarrassing.

We managed to get a booth at the Clipper and I scooted in and Shaun got right next to me. He put his hand on my leg and it kind of excited me. Janey’s friends got a bunch of these grape soda drinks, as they said we must try them, I guess it’s the specialty drink at the Clipper. Oh my, so good. It’s a bit sweet, so I could not drink more than one but it was really good. After that Shaun made sure my drinks were full, Jane’s and Julie’s, too. It’s all pretty much a haze from here. There was a jazz band, Julie was making out with some older (like 50 +) guy, Shaun was rubbing my leg, holding my hand? Jane started ordering shots?

It was approaching closing time, but none of us were ready to call it a night. Someone mentioned we were right by the Continental and maybe some dancing was in order? As we were walking there I kind of remember Julie & Jane telling me that Shaun was a good person, they liked him, etc. I am not sure where he was at this point, for all I know he heard them talking. I also remember saying to them I was not taking him home with me, or if he did end up at my place, I was not having sex with him. I said something like I really liked him and I wanted to see if it would go further or something? Who knows, I was pretty plastered. I also remember telling Shaun that I would not be sleeping with him. He said something about how he did not expect me to, but he would like to sleep over and rub my back or something, then take me to breakfast tomorrow? Oh my.

We head to the Continental (Hey, Continental, get a real website, I refuse to link to a Myspace site!) It had been awhile since I had been there, and come to think of it, I’ve never been to the Continental sober. I decided no more drinks for me. Janey & Julie were still going strong and I think Shaun might have had a drink, too.

Shaun and I decided to dance a bit. Oh I LOVE dancing with black men. We were getting a little dirty, too, his hands were grabbing my ass, I started kissing his neck and eventually he kissed me. Then there we were, making out on the dance floor, which I usually loathe, but funny how drinks can change one’s mind.

We stayed at Continental for about an hour and then decided it was time for late night food? Julie, Jane, Shaun and I piled in a cab and headed back to my neighborhood. I guess it was a given he was sleeping over at this point. We went to this all night Mexican place kind of by my house and ordered so much food. Janey does that when she gets wasted, just orders a shitload of food for the table. Julie was sitting next to Shaun and he was giving her guy advice, I think. Janey and I were talking to these two guys were kind of know from the neighborhood.

Janey and Julie took a cab home (um, it was 5 blocks, are you kidding!) because it was “too cold.” I told Shaun I wanted to walk the 5 blocks, as the Mexican food was bubbling in my stomach. We got home and literally went right to bed. I did my night time stuff, wash my face, brush my teeth (gave him a toothbrush to use), put on a cute (but not revealing) night gown and crawled into bed. He was wearing just his boxers. I kind of wanted to play with Shaun a bit, but was so tired. We made out a bit, we wrestled in the sheets, I got on top of him but that is about it. I could feel his cock rub against me and I could feel it was so hard, but I could not stay awake. So, we passed out and set the alarm for 10am and planned to go to brunch.

Little did I know, I was going to have a hard time getting rid of Shaun. Ah, more to come.

Oh, and I want to apologize to @TankBoy, who sometimes DJ’s at the Continental. One of these days… ;)

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Changing my mind?

On New Years Day I went to brunch with a friend that ended up crashing on my couch. He is JUST a friend and it turns out that he has once fucked Jane, years ago. That is kind of funny since I did not meet him through Janey, but they are still cool.

During brunch I received a text from Daniel. While I was at my family’s home for the holiday, we had some brief communication but with the time difference (even though it’s only an hour, it still played a factor) and the fact he was spending time with his family, we did not talk much. Plus, truthfully I thought I was over it with him.

Anyway, he asked if I wanted to hang out, lay around, watch movies. I thought that sounded wonderful, as I was still a bit hungover from NYE. I dropped my couch crashing friend off at his place, then Daniel showed up about 1pm. It was actually nice to see him. He has an external hard drive with a ton of movies on it, so he brought that with him. We literally watched movies until about 5pm. Then we started to fall asleep, so we moved to the bedroom.

Well, you know how it is. You can be dead tired, fighting to keep your eyes open on the couch and as soon as you get up and moving, you are awake again. So, there we were, in bed, awake. I do not know what came over me but I just grabbed him and started kissing him. It was nice, and different than before. We seriously made out for 30-40 mins. Just making out, little kisses on the neck, etc. It did not progress further than that and yet I was so turned on.

Daniel had to leave at 6pm because he was meeting his friend for dinner. I asked him if he wanted to come back to my place afterward and he said something to the effect of, well, I was planning to leave my bag here and I packed a toothbrush. I guess that was a yes. We made out a little more and I found that I was really wet from just making out with him.

We also had a conversation, apparently he was just tested for STD’s a few weeks ago. He was kind of cute to make sure I knew. Luckily, I was, too, so I feel pretty good about fucking around with him- though I still ALWAYS use a condom.

So, skip ahead to about 9:30pm. I somehow fell asleep, my phone rings, he is downstairs. I let him up and tell him I am exhausted. We watch another movie on the couch but I did not make it, I fell asleep around 10:30. After the movie was over, he woke me up, I did my bedtime routine then we climbed into bed. We cuddled a bit, and I kind of remember him rubbing my ass, but I think I just passed out.

Next morning we wake up around 10am, which is probably the latest I have ever slept in. I woke up, brushed my teeth and told Daniel to do the same. I was feeling a little playful this morning. Maybe the reason I was so not into it before was due to stress, holiday, etc?

So, we get back into bed and I take my clothes off. Daniel is so innocent that it kind of gets me excited to do things that he might not be expecting, or used to. We’ve talked a bit about his recent ex’s and apparently they were not so into sex or being sexual. I am about to blow this boys mind with something I think is fairly normal. Ego boost.

I am under the covers when he walks into the room, I lift them up and tell him to get into bed. He says something like, wow, where are you clothes? I told him to take off his boxers and join me.

We immediately start making out again but this time it’s a bit raw. Maybe innocent Daniel is feeling a bit more comfortable with me? He start kissing my neck and even giving me little bites! I was laying on my back and he grabbed my wrist and held it down on the bed and just started attacking my neck with little kisses. Then he turned me over and said he wanted to try spanking me. He was still holding my left wrist down with his hand and he was on my left side, so he was going to spank me with his right hand. Before he did, he moved my hair off my back and started kissing the back of my neck. I’ll be honest, I was getting little chills! I felt the wetness coming and I was so excited for what was coming.

He played with me for a bit, kissing my neck, my back, tickling my sides. He let go of my wrist and told me to leave it there and not move. I know he has never acted like this, because no woman has let him, and that made me get even more wet. He said he wanted to spank me, but he didn’t know what I would like, because he has never spanked before. I told him to do what feels best and I’d tell him if I would be able to take it harder or not.

Well, the spankings were firm, but light. I told him I could handle harder, so it took about 10 good smacks before… Whap, and I let out a light yelp. He thought he hurt me but I said, no that’s perfect. He asked if the idea was a red, warm ass and said, yes, of course.

With that he took over, and he was having fun with it. Honestly, he is my FAVORITE at spanking thus far. He timed it weird so I was guessing when the smack would come, he’d do two or three quick ones in a row. I was so wet from this and he did not seem to want to stop. He spanked me until I said… I am too wet to not fuck around right now.

He flipped me back over so I was on my back and got on top of me. We started kissing again, long deep, kisses. He bit my bottom lip and sucked on it for a moment. I pinched his nipple with my thumb and finger and he actually liked it – YES! I hate when guys do not like their nipples pinched. He started kissing down my neck to my chest, and stopped at my left nipple. He asked if he could bite me, I said yes. He gave me a small bite and asked if it hurt, I said, no, I can handle harder. So, he did what I asked. I again let out a small gasp as it hurt, but also felt amazing at the same time. He switched to my right nipple and repeated while pinching the left nipple with his fingers.

It was just a few minutes later when I said to him, I want to do something kind of dirty to you. I pulled his face up to mine, kissed him, then pulled him toward me so I could whisper in his ear, “I want to rub my clit with your cock, then lick all my juices off of it.”

He backed up and looked at me and I swear I’ve never seen a bigger smile. I reached down, grabbed his cock which was so hard, like so hard. He is pretty tall, so I figured he’d be hung, which he is, but I did not expect the girth, too. He has a very nice shaped, kind of dildo like penis. I rubbed the head against my clit and then would rub it a little lower to get it full of my juices. I did this for a bit, I wanted to get myself excited while he was, too. I was really really wet and my juices were all over him. I told him to flip over and lay down, I was going to devour his cock.

I know I say I never give head, but saying he was just tested and I love giving head and it’s been awhile, so he wins in this department. I gave him a few kisses on his hip bones, then moved a little lower to his thigh. He was trimmed, so thankful for that (guys, really, I do NOT want to floss with your pubic hair) and I gave him a few more little kisses getting closer to the base of his cock.

I started by lifting his balls up and running my tongue on the area just under his balls, then licked his balls, then moved my tongue to the base, along his cock then the head. Then I just put it all in my mouth. His cock tasted like my juices, it was so hot. It took me a few up and downs before I was able to swallow his cock and put the whole thing in my mouth. My lips hit his skin and I opened my mouth a bit so I could flick my tongue on his balls while his cock was all the way down my throat. He seemed to like this a lot because he let out a loud moan.

I went up and down without my hands for quite a bit. I swallowed him over and over and he started shaking, literally shaking. I cupped his balls in my left hand and then started adding my right hand, well, just first finger and thumb to extend my lips and create a better grip. I wanted him to cum and I wanted him to cum hard.

I think I blew him like that for about 10 minutes or so. Then I had an idea. I was trying to think what we could do right now that I am sure he has never done before, plus I wanted to cum. So, I took my lips off his cock for a minute, laid on my back and told him to straddle my chest. I grabbed my vibrator from the side of the bed (yes, it was already plugged in) and positioned it on my clit.

Then I told him to fuck my mouth. He said, are you sure, and again I said… I want you to fuck my mouth. He did not hesitate after that. He put his cock right in and started sliding it in and out of my mouth. I pulled my head back for a second and said he had about 5 minutes and not to cum until I did. He had his hands on my bedframe and he was just going at it. I was moving my head a bit to meet his cock at first, but then I could not keep up with him! He told me to smack his thigh when I was ready to cum. I think I lasted a whole two minutes. The vibrator on my clit mixed with Daniel fucking my mouth, oh I just came hard.

As soon as I came he let himself cum. It only took a few more second (I am sure he was super turned on) and he told me he was going to cum. He pulled out of my mouth and came on my chest. He started moaning so loud and his legs were shaking, it was so cute. He pumped his cock with one hand and pinched my nipple with his other.

He sat there for a second and did nothing. Then dismounted my chest, laid next to me, kissed my forehead and told me he needed a minute because he almost passed out. So, he laid there for a good minute and there I was, covered with his cum.

We got into the shower together and he washed me. It was very sweet. By this time it was 1pm and he took me to brunch and then he went home and I went for a run.

Maybe my mind is changing about this boy.

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NYE & 2010

New Years Eve was a pretty good time. Janey and I went out with some of our girlfriends to dinner, drinks, dancing. It was a girls only night and we had such a good time. I made out with some guy at New Years, then Janey and our friend Monique also made out with him after that. We probably had a bit too much champagne at that point but it was all in good fun.

Funny story, Violet emailed me and said she was wasted on New Years at some bar and handed out stickers for my blog (yes, I had some stickers made and the few friends that know stick them to things when they travel) to some random dudes and claimed she wrote my blog. She said she was pretty hammered and cannot remember what she told them, but she remembers making the one pull it up on his Blackberry and read a blog entry about Jayson out loud. She is so funny. So if you ran into “me” this week, so sorry, it was Violet being her drunk and silly self.

I am generally not one that makes resolutions based upon some arbitrary date but that might change this year. 2009 was probably the most challenging year I have had thus far. Not to get too Debbie Downer, but between some personal medical problems (I am fine now!), good friend passing away, my breakup with the ex, losing two grandparents, my company not doing well (I took a pay cut a few months ago), my mom & sister’s car accident and my cousin being diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor things have been a bit difficult emotionally on my end. I am generally pretty good at dealing with things, but when they all come one after the other, it is almost like you cannot grieve for one without the next one coming.

So, saying that, I do believe 2010 will be a better year for my family, my friends and for me. I am looking forward to new experiences and new opportunities. With that, I have made some changes and one might even call them “resolutions.”

I am starting a new job, which should help with financial issues and provide a better outlet for my creative talents. Like most, I am getting back in shape! I’ve already started running more and am starting a new yoga program. The level of booze will be decreasing, the food is getting better and I am going to start taking time out for my emotional self, too.

And… I should be writing and blogging more!

Now, do not think with all these changes that I will be staying in and not living life. In fact, my plan is to be a little less inhibited (but of course, I am safe!) and just to keep exploring my sexuality. I feel that I’ve been a bit repressed most of my early adult life and it is time to explore what I would like, would not like and just try all sorts of new things and people. I am a sexual person, sexual creature. While I am not going out to “slut it up”, I would like to just be who I am without worrying about the relationship, being with someone, or the ramifications that often are attached to women who do like to explore their sexual desires.

So, my amazing readers, hopefully I can keep you amused and entertained in 2010! Happy New Year!

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Last night I ended up going to a quick dinner with Daniel. He has to go out of town on a business trip and by the time he gets back, I will be with my family for the holiday. We just did a quick dinner and hung out at my apartment afterward for a few. It was during that time at my apartment that I decided to tell him that maybe I was not able to date anyone right now. I explained that maybe I was a bit emotionally unavailable and maybe the timing was off with us right now. That is mostly true, but I did not want to tell him all the reasons why it just was not doing it for me. I am not perfect, in fact I am probably a bit of a mess and maybe the real reason is we really just do not mesh well.

He seemed pretty cool about it. He said he was in no rush, but he was into me, and if I just wanted to be friends right now he could deal with that. I have a feeling that is BS, but hey, the answer made me feel better. We did kiss a little, mostly goodbye, and then I walked him to the front door of my apartment.

It’s funny how in such a short time I went from total excitement about this boy to just not feeling it at all. Maybe the stress I am feeling in life right now, job, cousin having cancer, having to travel soon, is getting to me. Maybe after the holidays I will feel different. Guess only time will tell.

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Another night with Daniel

Friday night Daniel called me on his way home. He calls to tell me he went out for drinks with some friends, he mentioned me and one of his friends knows me. Um, it’s D. Are you kidding? I have mentioned that I lived in the biggest small town ever, and yeah, here is another example of that.

Anyway, I asked if he wanted to stop by and lay on the couch with me as I had gone to happy hour earlier with Jane and I was a bit tipsy and ready for a night of laying around (then hopefully playing.) He said no. Wow, I do not get told no very often. He said the reason was he was seeing me tomorrow night and he did not want me to get sick of him. So, Janey and I ended up just going back out to dinner and late night happy hour.

Saturday rolls around and Daniel heads to my place around 7pm. We planned to get a quick dinner then just stay in, drink some beers and watch a movie. I was exhausted from this week and just wanted some chill time. In addition to that, it’s been a long while since I have been able to stay in on a Saturday night with a boy, and I wanted to see if it felt right with him.

Well, I am kind of on the fence, but more leaning toward the Daniel not cutting it side. Seriously, he is a project. But here is the weird part – I know I am going to eat this boy alive and I do not really want to. He is a nice, sweet, innocent boy that is going to get way too attached and I really do not want to hurt him.

Last night after watching a movie, in which we totally cuddled and were cute and gave kisses, we crawled into bed. We made out a bit, but that was all, and it was me that was stopping it this time. I just did not feel into it. I cannot explain why, but I just was not feeling it. That NEVER happens to me, especially after being five beers deep. I was fine cuddling with him but was not even into making out. OK, that is another thing that weirds me out, I am totally into cuddling with him? Have I been into cuddling recently or something? Because I say I hate it, but when I look back seems like I have been doing it an awful lot.

Also, he kind of pissed me off this morning. I told him every Sunday I do my football brunch. I said I could take him home before or he could come with me. He said he wanted to go to breakfast with me, but not at my spot with my Bears friends. He said he was not ready to meet my friends. Normally that would be fine, but he ended up semi-guilting me, and I stupidly went along with it, into breakfast at a different spot.

I have some thinking to do about this one. It is possible that I just wanted it to work and in reality, it is just not right. Oh, last night as we were talking I realized something very important… he reminds me of a more socially inept, less adorable version of my ex. Yeah, I think my decision should be clear, but knowing me, I’ll probably do the opposite of what I should do.

Also, this is BAD, but I know he is innocent sexually and there is something about his innocence that makes me want to show him a very dirty sexual world. I mean, what is better for the ego than blowing someone’s mind sexually?

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What to do?

On Sunday morning, I drove Daniel to his house. While it is only about three miles from mine, it feels like a different world. After I dropped him off I did my normal Sunday stuff, where I meet my friends for football, brunch and beers.

Daniel went out of town on business for a few days, so I am not surprised that I have not heard from him yet. I have a feeling that he is into me, but one can never be sure about these things. Maybe he is waiting for me to contact him? If I have do not hear from him by Friday, I will think something is up.

A few things I have figured out about Daniel so far are… He wants a serious relationship, he has a horrible sense of fashion, he is best friends with his ex-girlfriend and probably talks about her a bit too much. What I mean by that is like, I do not need to know that she prefers not to wear thongs, etc. Yeah, his awkward dating persona brought that up. But he also is very sweet, very kind and needs someone to bring him out of his shell. I am still debating what to do here because he is the first person I have met that I can stand for more than five minutes, on the other hand he is so much work and is that fair to him and am I ready to deal with that?

Though I must ask myself, why am I wondering when he will call, when he will email? You know what, fuck it; I am going to write him a little email now. I guess I will just say hi, and how was your trip? Hopefully it will progress from there and maybe we can spend some more time together, so I can figure out what to do with him.

On a different note, Jayson is supposedly coming to town next week and he wants to get together. I say supposedly because he was supposed to come last week and for whatever reason had to cancel. He is supposed to land on Monday and he is flying out Tues, but he asked if I wanted to stay with him Monday night. I think if he is actually here I will, but I’ll make my final decision when I have to, but for now I am leaning towards yes.

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