Friday night Daniel called me on his way home. He calls to tell me he went out for drinks with some friends, he mentioned me and one of his friends knows me. Um, it’s D. Are you kidding? I have mentioned that I lived in the biggest small town ever, and yeah, here is another example of that.
Anyway, I asked if he wanted to stop by and lay on the couch with me as I had gone to happy hour earlier with Jane and I was a bit tipsy and ready for a night of laying around (then hopefully playing.) He said no. Wow, I do not get told no very often. He said the reason was he was seeing me tomorrow night and he did not want me to get sick of him. So, Janey and I ended up just going back out to dinner and late night happy hour.
Saturday rolls around and Daniel heads to my place around 7pm. We planned to get a quick dinner then just stay in, drink some beers and watch a movie. I was exhausted from this week and just wanted some chill time. In addition to that, it’s been a long while since I have been able to stay in on a Saturday night with a boy, and I wanted to see if it felt right with him.
Well, I am kind of on the fence, but more leaning toward the Daniel not cutting it side. Seriously, he is a project. But here is the weird part – I know I am going to eat this boy alive and I do not really want to. He is a nice, sweet, innocent boy that is going to get way too attached and I really do not want to hurt him.
Last night after watching a movie, in which we totally cuddled and were cute and gave kisses, we crawled into bed. We made out a bit, but that was all, and it was me that was stopping it this time. I just did not feel into it. I cannot explain why, but I just was not feeling it. That NEVER happens to me, especially after being five beers deep. I was fine cuddling with him but was not even into making out. OK, that is another thing that weirds me out, I am totally into cuddling with him? Have I been into cuddling recently or something? Because I say I hate it, but when I look back seems like I have been doing it an awful lot.
Also, he kind of pissed me off this morning. I told him every Sunday I do my football brunch. I said I could take him home before or he could come with me. He said he wanted to go to breakfast with me, but not at my spot with my Bears friends. He said he was not ready to meet my friends. Normally that would be fine, but he ended up semi-guilting me, and I stupidly went along with it, into breakfast at a different spot.
I have some thinking to do about this one. It is possible that I just wanted it to work and in reality, it is just not right. Oh, last night as we were talking I realized something very important… he reminds me of a more socially inept, less adorable version of my ex. Yeah, I think my decision should be clear, but knowing me, I’ll probably do the opposite of what I should do.
Also, this is BAD, but I know he is innocent sexually and there is something about his innocence that makes me want to show him a very dirty sexual world. I mean, what is better for the ego than blowing someone’s mind sexually?
I know what you mean about the innocence part…lol. Makes you want to devour them and bring out the beast…
A.